#oh the TAGS

[bethanydelleman]

Estimated Sexual Abilities of Austen Men

In no particular order within tier

Edits added in blue based on your reblogs and careful consideration

Top Tier:

Mr. Mainwaring: to have the near undying loyalty of the exceedingly selfish Lady Susan, this man must be a sex god

Henry Crawford: he knows he’s not handsome, he wants women to love him, he'd put in the work. Also one of the only men to be rated by a woman who has had sex before.

Henry Tilney: he cares about things women like, high emotional intelligence, and extremely kind.

Frederick Wentworth: passion and experience (I imagine), also has high emotional intelligence when he’s not being a dufus.

Colonel Brandon: passionate, thinks about other people’s feelings a lot, self-sacrificial

John Knightley: I think there’s a good reason that they keep banging out those kids

Admiral Croft: I cannot believe I left him off, obviously amazing in bed because he respects his wife as his equal and is very fun. You are telling me they spend all their time together and don't have amazing sex? No freaking way!

Good Tier:

William Price: athletic, cares about his sister a lot (good sign), and gives good presents. He’s only nineteen in the story which is why he has room to improve.

Captain Harville: Obviously

Mr. Morland: dude isn’t even on page, but in my head Mrs. Morland enjoyed making all ten of those children.

Colonel Fitzwilliam: I think he’d be good, but not awesome. He'll probably be wasted on a mercenary marriage.

Charles Bingley: I get the feeling he’d be on a race to the end, and maybe not the best communicator at first. Will improve.

Mr. Gardiner: Just because he’s awesome and seems to respect women

Captain Benwick: poetry and passion!

Robert Martin: seems like a pretty romantic guy, also works on a farm so probably athletic.

John Willoughby: Mostly because of experience, but he is also pretty passionate. He’s also super hot, Miss Grey knew what she was getting into. But this guy can only go downhill from here.

Reginald De Courcy: He’s a sweetheart, an occasionally dumb sweetheart

Mr. Bennet: Is he lazy in most domains of life? Yes. But Mrs. Bennet wasn’t just trying for that heir, I’m telling you folks. Maybe he's just trying to make her unable to talk 😉

George Knightley: Promoted to good tier, I do think he's very caring, but he also is always sure HE is right, which may be a problem.

John Yates: Maybe not the most selfless person, but he's got passion and he does love his wife. Probably very into roleplay.

Mediocre but can improve tier:

Fitzwilliam Darcy: he’s a bit stiff... I think it might take some time for him to get good at it (demoted to this tier because he will need time to improve)

Frank Churchill: He’s got passion, but he’s so darn selfish and doesn’t seem to send that much time thinking about Jane’s feelings

Edward Ferrars: I just see him being a nervous wreak the first few times, it’ll get better (Note: I think Lucy is way too smart to have had sex without a wedding date)

James Morland: Dude, I’m just disappointed with you in general. Being led by lust, not protecting your sister. I hope you grow a lot before you try to get engaged again.

Charles Musgrove: could be good, but Mary never seems to appreciate the effort he puts in so he kind of gave up

Tom Bertram: Selfish, never has to try for anything, but he did reform so maybe he can get better here too.

Edmund Bertram: Repressed and selfish. He needs to actually start listening to what women say if he’s going to improve and there is a whole book of him doing exactly the opposite...

Mr. Elton: selfish, full of himself, and low emotional intelligence, however, I think he does love his wife so he is willing to put in some effort for her.

Just bad:

James Rushworth: Maria was not impressed at all, despite how much “taller” he was

Captain Tilney: riding on good looks and money, selfish

John Thorpe: Selfish and he never shuts up. I have trouble imaging him getting a woman to sleep with him without paying her.

George Wickham: selfish and good looking, he’s not doing any work. He thinks you should be honoured to sleep with him.

Robert Ferrars: selfish and not even good looking. There is nothing here. Lucy did not win people.

Mr. Woodhouse: I can’t even imagine, if he didn’t have children I’d say he was a virgin

Mr. Collins: The woman he is trying to please is not his wife.

Mr. Elliot: cruel to his first wife and not even handsome!

Sir Walter Elliot: I don’t think any part of his personality would tend toward being a “giver”, however, if you like mirrors...

John Dashwood: exactly the opposite of a “giver”

Mr. Price: the guy had 11 children in 14 years so I wish I could say he was better in bed. My suspicion is that he started in the good tier and has had a very slow fall into just bad. And all that alcohol, ug...

Dr. Grant: Noted for being a whiney, selfish glutton. Hopefully he just falls asleep before he can attempt anything because I can't imagine him being that good in bed.

General Tilney: If you don't want to even try to imagine their sex life, they go in this tier. And he is so freaking controlling!

No Data: We interviewed Lady Bertram for information on Sir Thomas, but she confessed that with full consent, she has always fallen asleep during sex. Given her personality, we decided that this information has no bearing on Sir Thomas’s abilities. She did say that giving birth was, “Very disagreeable.”

Mr. Hurst: I really can't decide with him because while he does love the finer things in life, we don't know exactly why he and Louisa married. More info required.

Criteria: In the domain of F/M sex, communication is key, so we need a man who is willing to listen to what women say. Also, selfishness is obviously a negative trait when it comes to a happy sexual partner of either gender. Some of this is just vibes, but I think there is a fair amount of canon information about how much men respect women, especially their sisters. 

Feel very free to fight me in the reblogs. The only hill I will die on is that Henry Crawford’s rating is correct 😉

[maddiviner]

"The first thing which should be understood is that a familiar is not a particular kind of spirit. A familiar is a role which is described based on the nature of the relationship. Anyone or anything can be familiar to you. You have people and animals in your life with whom you are familiar. In a certain sense, it just means you know who they are; you have an awareness of them. In another sense, familiar can refer to things which have a connection such as we have with family. The primary definition of familiar is that one has a long close, perhaps intimate association with the thing being described. This is what we mean by familiar spirit."

Swain, BJ. Familiar Unto Me: Witches Sorcerers and Their Spirit Companions (p. 19). Kindle Edition.

[tearosepedall]

EDIT : THIS IS A MEME DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY (and seriously just don’t be Rude????? Like wtf lol)

[snakesinsocks2005]

Pin for survivors

[cornpapers]

[atti-rambles]

Thinking about this panel... He's such a dad, this is how this emotionally stunted man shows love. He's the type to make you call him when you get to the function... So he knows you're okay... He will pick you up if you're drunk... So he knows you're okay...

Laios is like the son he never had... To me... His son who is twice is size

[mambodork]

New season dropped,, ive only watched scar and joel's pov so far and i couldnt rest until i drew somethinf ,,, dont have everybody's design down quite yet but we r going somewhere *smiles*

[shinseifer]

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[otto-doctavius]

domesticated animal

[bethanydelleman]

Jane Austen Charted #15

How Wealthy are the Jane Austen Heroines?

(This turned into a long post)

Women in Jane Austen’s novels have two kinds of wealth, fortunes which seem to be guaranteed to already accompany them into marriage, like Emma’s 30k or Elinor & Marianne Dashwoods’ 1k which they have already received from their uncle, and then eventual inheritance, like Elizabeth’s 1k that she will receive after the death of both of her parents. Here are the sums:

And the explanation of each amount:

Anne Elliot’s amount is disputed because of how the text is worded, she is either getting 10,000 or 1/3 of that amount. Here is the quote: who could give his daughter at present but a small part of the share of ten thousand pounds which must be hers hereafter. (Ch 24) It will be paid upon her father’s death.

As to the amount, I usually think it’s 1/3 of 10k. Knowing Sir Walter’s character, and that his wife was not a trade heiress but the daughter of a country gentleman, I think Lady Elliot’s dowry being ten thousand, and Sir Walter never adding to it seems pretty likely. He probably assumed that his children would marry well based on beauty and rank alone.

As for Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen to Hartfield. The fact that John Knightley has a job and isn’t just living off Isabella’s fortune until they inherit makes me think it might be going to Emma (as opposed to how Mary and Charles Musgrove are living), but that is speculation and may also be based in a difference in personality. It is equally possible that the plan was for Spinster Emma to live there with John and Isabella. Also, Emma is counting on her sister’s eldest son to inherit Donwell, not Hartfield, which is another clue that it’s going to Emma, not Isabella.

It seems to me that the best marriage prospects would be those who have a fortune now, not when their parents die. Certainly with men, those who are the most eligible have already come into their fortunes. 

Also, the Dashwoods and Anne Elliot are in a far safer financial position if their remaining parent dies, as they have a decent, though not large income on their own. The three Dashwood sisters could continue to live at Barton cottage and maintain themselves if they worked together.

So how do the heroines compare to other ladies:

The richest two women are Anne de Bourgh, who will inherit Rosings, and Sophia Grey, the future Mrs. Willoughby. Given that Mrs. Jennings, who is from trade, knows Sophia’s relations, we can assume that Sophia is a trade heiress. Depending on what Emma Woodhouse receives when her father dies, she may be as wealthy as both of them.

From the novels, the breakdown of fortune attractiveness:

Nothing - Nothing is bad. However, I have a strong suspicion that this can mean actually nothing or something like Jane Fairfax with a few hundred pounds. Lucy Steele and Isabella Thorpe probably have actually nothing, but I doubt Mary Crawford when she says her friend who married a peer actually had zero pounds to her name. Miss Ross probably had nothing in comparison to Mary.

£1000 - Pretty much as bad as nothing. This isn’t enough for someone to maintain themselves in gentility. The Bennet sisters could pool their money and maybe be okay with their combined £250.

£3000 - Interesting that so many heroines have this amount. It seems like it’s a decent, but not great dowry. Respectable.

£10,000 - This number comes up A LOT in Jane Austen’s novels. We are told in Mansfield Park: Miss Maria Ward, of Huntingdon, with only seven thousand pounds, had the good luck to captivate Sir Thomas Bertram, of Mansfield Park... her uncle, the lawyer, himself, allowed her to be at least three thousand pounds short of any equitable claim to it. From this statement and context from the other novels, 10k seems like the basic “good” fortune. Minimum entry to expect an eldest son match.

£20,000 - This is a big fortune, go after a Mr. Darcy or a Tom Bertram the future baronet kind of money. I don’t get the impression that either Caroline Bingley or Mary Crawford are supposed to be seen as delusional for thinking they can marry where they aim for. It’s more about the guy not liking them than unrealistic expectations. 

£30,000 + Filthy rich

Also, I really wish we knew more fortune numbers! What did Lady Middleton and Mrs. Palmer have? What was an acceptable dowry for a Miss Bertram? (my guess is at least 10k) What did Charlotte Lucas have? (I suspect not much better than Elizabeth, if not worse) 

[girpgorp]

decided my fetal kwamis deserved a little lore

[moonyistired]

kris deltarune in some outfits i thought they'd like

[kanis-things]

[hoshizoralone]

reflection

[bajaja-blast]

you dislike Luke Castellan because he disagreed with an oppressive government system and actually took action to change the abusive ways him and his peers have been forced to follow for millennia.

I dislike Luke Castellan because in the Titans Curse he manipulated Annabeth, who he raised as his little sister, into holding up the sky, the FUCKING sky, for over 20 hours and had the audacity to walk away as though he was completely apathetic towards it while she begged and pleaded with him to help her.

we are not the same.

[vampiricsheep]

artists rb this with your favorite thing about prev's art-style in the tags